November 16, 2024

Naively ambitious?

I sat in my home office trying to think of some routes/goals/things to do near my home and started noticing an insane amount of peaks on the maps and after a quick google, I came across a "Guide to 100 Peaks at Mount Rainier" and the gears immediately started turning.

Just go have an adventure


After a deep dive on the peak (20 minutes) on strava and google maps I decided I would go giv'r a good push not looking up what the conditions were like at that elevation and if they weren't bad, I would push on to the nearby peak of Chutla.

Left the house around 6am and was greeted by the beautiful Mt. Rainier before she was quickly swallowed by the clouds before the sun came up. Was a bit of a later start than I wanted but was one of the first cars in the park and beat the rangers to the booth.


As the park got into view I could see snow on the tree tops a lot lower down than I had anticipated and knew I was going to be in for a day. Temps were chilly when I rolled in and prepped the bag for a day:


3 cuties, 2 slices of homemade banana bread from the night before, a quarter of a sandwich bag of granola, 5 strawberries, and 1L of water.


I packed my trusted Eddie Bauer base layer that I has been with me on the better part of all my cold outdoor adventures for 5+ years into my Salomon active skin 8L hydration vest. I started out wearing my Arc'teryx puffy at the start with a packable water proof jacket from TNF. Honestly, I almost didn't need any of the clothes.

The approach


This place has a certain feel for me. There's been a few places in my life where I have traveled to or through where something inside of me feels a natural draw or connection and this place certainly has that. It is a place where I feel like I am stuck directly between two worlds. A being experiencing a state of juxtaposition.


As the first few K's started to tick by I was curious as to why I wasn't seeing any snow yet. It was warm and I had shed down to my long sleeve which was also kind of confusing. Finally, I looked up. 30ish ft above me in the towering trees I could see through the small branches and noticed that the tops were covered in snow. Protecting the forest floor from the blanket of white, I was still surrounded by deep, rich greens, yellows, mushrooms of all shapes and sizes, birds sung, and if I stopped to listen for a second, that wooshes of birds unknown flying between the trees.


As I started to get higher, the trees started to get shorter, and the gaps from above left pockets where snow started to get through and lightly dust the ground.


And then, the humid, warm approach quickly and abruptly turned to snow. Deep, deep snow. Some tracks from the days before faintly marked the trail for about 1/2 a mile and then stopped leaving me at my first decision point. Turn around or keep on. After some contemplating I decided to take my first step in the snow and immediately sunk to just above my knee. 1 step in and not a great sign, I was immediately pressed into my second decision coming into this new information.


I woke up and wanted to have an adventure right?

I wanted to push myself into some uncomfortable positions.... right?

I just told myself 2 days before that I will start tackling the 100 peaks in the park. I had to keep going. Right?


Then the ego.


Am I really gonna turn around on this small of a peak? Can I really not push through on one of the lowest peaks in the list?

Can I really not do it? Am I this weak? Am I just being soft right now? yada yada yada yada.....


This line of thinking took up the majority of my thought process as I proceeded to trudge through the thigh deep snow for 45 minutes.


One step.

Reposition poles.

Find solid platform.

Pull the other leg through.

Repeat.


It was slow, it was testing my patience, it reminded me that I am not in control in the mountains, especially in the winter.

turnaround

I stood about 200m from the summit, about waste deep at this point.


Looking up, the peak was just hidden behind some rock features that I needed to navigate around.


This was my third and what came to be my final decision point. I had come to terms with all the ego shit going through my head and came to some realizations.


I didn't prepare well enough.

I didn't have the right tools for the job.

It doesn't fucking matter.

Take the "failures" (if you can even call them that) and do it better the next time.


I sat with the mountain for a few minutes in silence, not moving. No sounds of birds up here. No whooshing from the wings of the bird I still haven't seen, no creeks navigating down the mountain, no wind.


It was nice. It was beautiful.